When Dads Struggle

Health and Wellness
A New Story, Never Forgetting Who You Are
Dr. James C. Rodriguez, MSW
24  August 2023

INCLUDING MEN IN MENTAL HEALTH SERVICES
 

Finding Strength In Imperfection

In 2023, I was asked as a featured speaker, keynote, and presenter about mental health's impacts on men at several national events. I want to share one of the training sessions (below) with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) in partnership with the National Federation of Families to examine how we can include men in wellness programs. I believe everyone has moments in life where we are broken, and we discover how to explore new pathways to repair the cracks of brokenness through healing, resilience, and robustness. The recovery can be swift, or it can take years. Others never move beyond the chards of being broken and, thus, never heal. I use a few poems in the courses I am honored to teach. "My storehouse has burnt down; there is nothing to obstruct the moon."- Mizuta Masahide. By accepting the past, this poem glances at lessons I continuously learn. My journey in life has allowed me to get through many trials of life. I would never heal if I stayed in the essence of past injuries. Even More Beautiful - Even More Precious - Even More Resilient - Even More Present is a metaphor of Kintsugi that a funny experience reminded me of the mentoring of an 89-year-old veteran a few weeks ago. I listened like a young boy listening to his grandfather because of the wisdom he poured into me. One of the most significant barriers for men to access health care, we believe our natural strengths are that we can take care of anything, even if broken into thousands of pieces. 

Too many amazing dads for generations never seek support, leaving a legacy of struggle.

How many of us remember a coach, teacher, neighbor, clergy member, or maybe a stranger who treated you kindly? I lost my wallet due to a silly choice of placing it on the top of my car's roof. I lost all of my cards, identifications, and precious photos. I held onto the wallet for 15 years. I use this example that we hold on to the past too often we can never appreciate today. And, just like I had to reconstruct my identity with new bank cards, driver's licenses, and military identification, I felt for a moment, "I have no identity." The funny thing is we all have a true identity, and for many of us, some tragedy in life may have falsely taken it away. So, I gained a precious lesson when I moved forward to get all the new identities and deal with the loss. The mentoring of the 89-year-old veteran in the Main Exchange with a vendor station selling pecans shared four words to hold: GTPP. Roger shared the same philosophies I teach in our classes of Ikigai, Ichigo Ichie, Logotherapy, and more to let others help. Allow the experience to be just that. He poured into me to be grateful for everything, including the loss. Thankful for all my resources because he asked, "James, how many people have a passport, birth certificate, and social security card to restore the lost identities?" Positive outlook in everything because even though times are just an illusion, they will not last a lifetime. He then shared the last "P" that he has a lot of because it is hard to use to be patient.

Maybe it is time to recognize you can rescript your life story today! 

The conversation of my own reminded me that this GTPP is rescripting and restoration. In June, my fourth major presentation was "Including and Elevating Fathers in Family Mental Health Support." Roger emphasized the elements I shared in the webinar below. Because if we do not have more than just one or two activities in family programs, Head Start, etc., we never get the opportunities of wisdom. The wisdom of this wonderful 89-year-old veteran is still mobile, happy, working, and teaching me, a stranger, not to allow the moment of loss to stay. 

When I came home a few days later, cars ran over my wallet and torn, and everything was still on my porch. All the cards were broken, but the photos were still there. I chose to let go of the wallet and embrace the new wallet and items. GTPP lesson from Roger is something many of us men need to pass on to our children and generations. If this short blog and webinar inspires you, awesome! 

I invite you to sign up for any of our programs, and if you are a dad and need a Roger in your life, we are here. We lose moments to nourish ourselves and others when we forget who we are. 

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I remain at your service... Me quedo a su servicio,

Dr. James C. Rodríguez, MSW
President & Chief Executive Officer
Fathers and Families Coalition of America