Barbershop Talk: Grief and Bereavement In Black Fathers After The Loss of a Spouse or Partner

ONE OF MANY AMAZING PRESENTERS 

25th International Families And Fathers Conference

"Dr. Yvette M. Rose, DNP MSN RN
Professor of Nursing at Olivet Nazarene University
Bourbonnais, Illinois

"To help Black Fathers find hope after losing a spouse/partner."

Community Health, Barbers, Social Work

Black Fathers

Black Fathers, have you ever felt angry, sad, lonely, resentful, guilty, fearful, yearning for the loss, and depressed after the loss of your partner or spouse? Nothing hurts like losing someone you love due to death, divorce, or separation. Things will never return to normal as once remembered, and who do you talk to? If so, then you must read and keep reading.

Today, Black Fathers face distressing challenges. Black fathers have been and continue to be subject to numerous stereotypes and unfavourable societal perceptions. Black Fathers are often defamed by society, the media, and even within their Black communities. Derogatory statements are often voiced that Black Fathers are in the cemetery or are incarcerated. From this, the term "deadbeat dad" is reared. Many times, this uncultured term unfairly alludes that Black Fathers are unwilling to provide for their children (i.e., financially). As a result of these stereotypes, biases, challenges or other issues, relational losses may occur.

At some point in life, we will all experience grief and bereavement attributed to loss(es). The most overwhelming form of loss experienced is the death of a close relationship (e.g. spouse/partner, child, parent, other relatives, or friends). Nonetheless, others can grieve the loss of a job/career, finances, health, relationship, body part or pet. The list is infinite. Much of the focus on healing after any relationship loss is placed on the mother and father's hurt, too. Black fathers often do not address their invisible wounds and disappointments. Black Fathers are forgotten when it comes to providing adequate support resources for grief and loss.

 For years, Black men have been taught that conveying weakness is not “manly”, and grown men do not cry. In a 2019 qualitative study, Black men reported endorsing the caretaker role, someone who needs to display strength for their family (Hammond & Mattus, 2005). Displays of emotion or vulnerability were perceived as a weakness and negatively affected mental health treatment-seeking behaviours (Eley, 2019). As a result of these negative connotations, they do not ask for help or see a doctor. Nevertheless, they do frequent the Barber Shop! The Barber Shop is an opportune time to get a Cut-Trim and have impactful Chats about losing a spouse/partner.

Cut-Trim & Chat!

There is a dearth of historical, cultural, and public health literature regarding the significance of barbershops to the Black community. The barber shop is a safe sanctuary for customer social interaction within the Black community. These neighbourhood Black barbershops are utilized because of the unique requirements of their hair and because these barbershops are comfortable, congenial places.

Projects have suggested that alternative settings, such as barbershops, may be practical and operative sites for reaching Black Fathers (Wilson et al., 2017). At the Barber Shop, sitting in the barber chair in the barbershop’s relaxed and culturally specific atmosphere, men can freely discuss shared experiences, current events, and personal relationships (Wilson et al., 2017).

Conclusion

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. It may be necessary to encounter the defeats so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, and how you can still come out of it.

~ Maya Angelou

There is a lack of education on what black grief is and how much of an impact it can have on Black men. It is important to consider the uniqueness of the grief bereavement experience in the loss of a spouse/partner for black men. Barbers, your role in helping Black Fathers develop healthy coping skills after the loss of a spouse or partner is paramount.

Learn more about the "In Black Fathers After The Loss Of A Spouse/Partner" workshop at the 25th International Families and Fathers Conference here and join Dr. Rose for a dynamic workshop.

References

Eley, N.T., Namey, E., McKenna, K., Johnson, A.C., & Guest, G. (2019). Beyond the individual: Social and cultural influences on the health-seeking behaviours of African American men. American Journal of Men’s Health,13(1):1557988319829953. doi:10.1177/1557988319829953.

Hammond, W.P., & Mattis, J.S. (2005). Being a grown-up about it: Manhood meaning among African American men. Psychology of Men & Masculinity, 6(2), 114–126. doi: 10.1037/1524-9220.6.2.114

Wilson, D., Kaboolian, de Jong, J., & Stuart, G. (2017). Barbershops and preventive health: A case of embedded education. Harvard Kennedy School Ash Center for Democratic Governance and Innovation https://ash.harvard.edu/files/ash/files/case_study_barbershop.pdf.